Better to accept and let go or fight it every day?

I used to always fight for what I wanted, be it an equal share of my sister’s juice or to win a game I have spent hours building a strategy for. For a very long time, my wish or want would be fulfilled only by my family and I would be happy at the end of the day.

When I grew up, I had mostly my family and close friends, just like most all others have, to show their tantrums to and expect a lot of attention and importance from them. I was grateful when I thought I also found someone special like that in my life. I was grateful because everyone told me how crazy he was for me and how much love he had felt for me. All this while even if I had the slightest of insecurities with him, I used to just ignore it because I was so sure of his honesty and transparency with me. But then one day I came to know about something that shook me to the core, it might surprise me because the fact that was kept from me might not seem like something big to others, but for me, it was a big thing. It had so many elements attached to it that I just completely lost my mind over it. To such an extent that I had gone CRAZY in literal terms about it. My mind would dream weird things about it, would start blabbering hurtful things about the whole situation and just after all that just cry at the end. I used to go mad in that anger, and that jealousy. I had never expected myself to react like that ever. But I guess this extent was reached only because of the fact that when all these months I thought various things about my importance in the relationship, it was all snatched away from me in one go.

I have such huge wounds from that incident that nothing hurts me more today about that particular past except for this. It keeps on ringing in my head, and I just go so impulsive and upset. After that anger is gone, I am just left with a pool of tears. I feel so enraged and hurt, that I am scared thinking when would be the next time those thoughts might come again to hunt me.

I tried processing and digesting the facts for a very long time, but then for very long I just couldn’t help it. But then I just thought its better to accept that maybe I was just never meant to be that important to that person ever. Maybe I was always supposed to be meant to be hurt like this so that I meet someone else who would bring the world for me. Because when I talk to my heart it never said to stop expecting this from anyone. I will always expect to be the most important person and to be chosen every time by my closest person. But then it was just not supposed to be it with some people that’s why they are no longer important to you as well. Are they? No, not anymore.

Then it's always better to just stop fighting with this situation and accept that it was just not meant to be this way. We never know what plans god has for us. Maybe we are crying for an orange ice cream today, but he has planned a whole ice cream parlor for us later.

Then my dear, why do you cry now and shed tears? Always know it's for the best and in fact not just for us, but the counterparties involved as well to go with this decision and accept it, and change only what they can.

With huge regards, Shambhavi, signing off!